I know. I know, but I don't-- I don't want it to. At least if I'm angry, I'm not-- I'm not... [ broken down? believable, right now. he lets out a sigh, weary, bone deep. ] I don't even know what I'm saying.
My parents were murdered when I was nine. I was there. [ it's-- almost snapped, because he's seen too many people die recently (his whole life), and because anger is. easier, right now. ] But I don't kill.
[Idly. Not a competition, nothing like that, but . . . an offer, maybe.]
Sixteen when I killed, too. And it wasn't something I wanted to do, but something I had to, just like you, no choice in the matter. And I'm telling you: you can't stay angry. Sooner or later, you'll snap. And it's been to just let it happen then to fight it.
It's done. There's nothing you can do to fix it. So move on as fast as you can, because someone else is gonna get murdered next week unless we can figure out what we're doing here.
[ it's on the tip of his tongue to apologize-- or ask-- about haymitch's mother, about his kill, but he looks to the ground instead, idly tapping his thigh. he wants to say he knows all of that, because he does, intellectually, but can't he have-- it just happened. can't he ever have just... five minutes before going right back to business as usual? ]
... You say that like I haven't been trying to figure things out. [ it comes off almost petulant, and he grimaces. ] I know... I know what we have to do. That I can't be-- can't afford to stay distraught. You don't have to lecture me.
[ it's not quite a fair interpretation, but it's what it feels like. ]
[That's not quite how he meant it, but it's not entirely unfair to say that's how it came across. Hmm.]
I'm not--
[How to say this?]
I've seen people who kill and how they live with themselves afterwards. I've seen twenty-three years of it. And it's easier if you try and get over it quick, not feel it so much, then to stay angry.
My government used to take two kids per district-- twenty-four kids in total-- and make em fight to the death. One winner gets all the riches and food they could ever want, which is plenty useful when you're that fucked up afterwards.
I won mine when I was sixteen. Twenty-three years, twenty-four other winners. [A thin smile] The last two kinda fucked things up for the rest of us. Broke down the whole system with the stunt they pulled.
[ it's muttered to himself as if in thought, solely because Junpei mentioned it yesterday-- he vaguely remembers Haymitch sounding annoyed about it, so. Same messed up principle, then. he's not sure what to say-- haymitch obviously knows it's messed up, so he just asks-- ]
Yeah, I'd bet. Two winners, one slot. How'd they pull that off?
Their strategy was, uh, star-crossed lovers. He loved her since he was a kid, so it was a real tragedy only one could leave.
But they were the last two left. Somebody's gonna have to kill the other. And then the girl gets the bright idea to threaten joint suicide. Better they both die than one betray the other, right?
And the Capitol can't kill em on the spot without an uproar. Everyone watching at home loves em. So: two winners.
Pretty clever ploy. Use their televised nonsense against them. [ but... ] Can't imagine the "Capitol" were that enthused about it afterwards. How'd that work out?
Good. Glad to hear it. Restructuring and rebuilding isn't an easy road, but at least the hard part of throwing out a dictatorship is over. [ aaand then he just. gestures for haymitch to pass him the bottle again ]
[ he is drinking a lot more confidently than earlier now, and once he's done glugluging he tilts his head a bit listlessly at the question ]
Neither. Well-- could've been. [ time travel is wild. ] Been trying to help break down a dictatorship, but it's not my country. And it's not as simple as a spark when the dictator has mind control powers.
[ dick looks up at the ceiling and then. drinks again before speaking. he's not slurring, but he seems to be speaking slowly and carefully to make sure he isn't because he is a weak bitch who seems determined to finish this bottle now that he has it back! ]
Queen Bee's got the power to enthrall men... and some women... to do her bidding. Using a form of hypnosis. I-- Some sort of, of pheromones that only work on humans? And in close proximity, and it's not indefinite. [ he lets out a sigh ]
Recently? Probably not as much as we should've. Been busy with an alien invasion. [ and he just. breezes past that by taking another swing ] We've been concentrating on stopping her plans to annex the neighboring country, Qurac. About five years ago, we broke her thrall on the sitting president, and-- and then two months later she'd enthralled a woman we'd met there. Made her drive herself off a cliff, orphaning her son.
[Honestly, he just nods. If he stops and questions every weird thing, he'd never get anything done. So sure, aliens. Enthralling. And then that last bit, which sets them right back into reality, doesn't it?]
Yeah. His adoptive sister's one of my best friends and the kid was on my team. [ the was is. not the way he wants it to come out, so-- ] He still is, I'm the one who's... not.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-10-30 05:52 am (UTC)I know. I know, but I don't-- I don't want it to. At least if I'm angry, I'm not-- I'm not... [ broken down? believable, right now. he lets out a sigh, weary, bone deep. ] I don't even know what I'm saying.
no subject
Date: 2019-10-30 05:57 am (UTC)How much do you know death? You ever kill anybody, see anyone die?
no subject
Date: 2019-10-30 06:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-30 06:06 am (UTC)I was sixteen when my mother was killed.
[Idly. Not a competition, nothing like that, but . . . an offer, maybe.]
Sixteen when I killed, too. And it wasn't something I wanted to do, but something I had to, just like you, no choice in the matter. And I'm telling you: you can't stay angry. Sooner or later, you'll snap. And it's been to just let it happen then to fight it.
It's done. There's nothing you can do to fix it. So move on as fast as you can, because someone else is gonna get murdered next week unless we can figure out what we're doing here.
no subject
Date: 2019-10-30 12:02 pm (UTC)... You say that like I haven't been trying to figure things out. [ it comes off almost petulant, and he grimaces. ] I know... I know what we have to do. That I can't be-- can't afford to stay distraught. You don't have to lecture me.
[ it's not quite a fair interpretation, but it's what it feels like. ]
it's *best to let that happen, smh self with those typos
Date: 2019-10-30 02:45 pm (UTC)I'm not--
[How to say this?]
I've seen people who kill and how they live with themselves afterwards. I've seen twenty-three years of it. And it's easier if you try and get over it quick, not feel it so much, then to stay angry.
That's all.
i didn't even noTICE almdkf I read it correctly
Date: 2019-10-30 02:55 pm (UTC)... Twenty three years of it?
[ he can guess he didn't meet them at group therapy. so how? ]
WELL GOOD
Date: 2019-10-30 04:14 pm (UTC)[Hm.]
My government used to take two kids per district-- twenty-four kids in total-- and make em fight to the death. One winner gets all the riches and food they could ever want, which is plenty useful when you're that fucked up afterwards.
I won mine when I was sixteen. Twenty-three years, twenty-four other winners. [A thin smile] The last two kinda fucked things up for the rest of us. Broke down the whole system with the stunt they pulled.
no subject
Date: 2019-10-30 10:32 pm (UTC)[ it's muttered to himself as if in thought, solely because Junpei mentioned it yesterday-- he vaguely remembers Haymitch sounding annoyed about it, so. Same messed up principle, then. he's not sure what to say-- haymitch obviously knows it's messed up, so he just asks-- ]
Yeah, I'd bet. Two winners, one slot. How'd they pull that off?
no subject
Date: 2019-10-31 03:27 am (UTC)But they were the last two left. Somebody's gonna have to kill the other. And then the girl gets the bright idea to threaten joint suicide. Better they both die than one betray the other, right?
And the Capitol can't kill em on the spot without an uproar. Everyone watching at home loves em. So: two winners.
[he sounds proud, honestly.]
no subject
Date: 2019-10-31 04:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-10-31 06:04 am (UTC)They were the spark in the mine. Shit caught fire real fast.
no subject
Date: 2019-10-31 12:07 pm (UTC)Good. Glad to hear it. Restructuring and rebuilding isn't an easy road, but at least the hard part of throwing out a dictatorship is over. [ aaand then he just. gestures for haymitch to pass him the bottle again ]
no subject
Date: 2019-11-02 03:14 am (UTC)You know that from personal experience, or's that just a guess?
no subject
Date: 2019-11-02 03:30 am (UTC)Neither. Well-- could've been. [ time travel is wild. ] Been trying to help break down a dictatorship, but it's not my country. And it's not as simple as a spark when the dictator has mind control powers.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-02 03:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-02 03:42 am (UTC)Queen Bee's got the power to enthrall men... and some women... to do her bidding. Using a form of hypnosis. I-- Some sort of, of pheromones that only work on humans? And in close proximity, and it's not indefinite. [ he lets out a sigh ]
no subject
Date: 2019-11-03 10:44 pm (UTC)[You know what? Sometimes you just gotta accept things at face value. He doesn't think Dick is lying, so.]
So what've you been doing to try and break shit up?
no subject
Date: 2019-11-03 10:53 pm (UTC)[ he gives a very slow blink ]
Should not have shared that part.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-06 03:37 am (UTC)You keep in touch with the son?
no subject
Date: 2019-11-06 03:41 am (UTC)Yeah. His adoptive sister's one of my best friends and the kid was on my team. [ the was is. not the way he wants it to come out, so-- ] He still is, I'm the one who's... not.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-11 05:54 pm (UTC)[Because it's so clearly a story, and though he won't insist on it, well. The guy could've lied.]
no subject
Date: 2019-11-12 12:30 am (UTC)[ a beat ]
Or I was going to.
[ AND NOW HE'S HERE INSTEAD ]